My First Vanilla Relationship
Up until My current relationship, all of them have been kinky or involved some element of D/s. For most people it's the first kinky relationship that needs careful navigation, but for Me it's the total opposite!
The kinkiest relationship to date
My previous relationship was probably the most kinky relationship I've been in. We were in an open relationship, we had regular threesomes and group sex, we attended kink events together, and we had a great deal of non-vanilla play by ourselves. That was the first relationship that I've been in where I didn't feel like I had to filter My fetish desires in any kind of way.
Unfortunately, that came to an abrupt end in January this year, and honestly, it was probably for the better. Looking back there was a lot within that relationship that wasn't healthy, and not because of the BDSM aspects, but because of the other party. When moving back into the dating field I didn't consider specifically seeking out a new D/s relationship, or a play partner. I did want to just enjoy the simplicity of vanilla dating and 'normal' sex for a while, because in all honesty I was tired of being kinky all day and then having to go home and be even more kinky...
Entering the vanilla world
In my personal experience, when you tell the person you're seeing that you're a professional Dominatrix, they instantly want to step their kink game up. They assume that you're desperate for rough, kinky as fuck sex and that you expect that all of the time. In reality, I don't. Meeting My boyfriend was a wonderfully refreshing change of pace and I'm just as fulfilled in this relationship than I've found I was in My D/s relationships, perhaps even more so at times. Of course we still have kinky sex and there's lots of aspects of BDSM that he wants Me to introduce him to, but it's nice for that not to be expected from Me, or made the norm.
Learning the ropes
That saying, going from deep D/s connections to a fairly vanilla and monogamous relationship has been a learning curve for Me. We've tried things that were fairly standard in previous relationships and they just haven't worked, which is totally fine. The few threesomes we had felt awkward and forced, introducing complex toys felt wrong somehow, and even suggesting some light BDSM didn't seem to hit the mark.
From what I've learned about My boyfriend as a person, and about our relationship, is that things should happen naturally. Coming off the back of a kinky lifestyle into a very traditional relationship was much more of an adjustment than I expected it to be, and I don't think I appreciated that. Things that were basic and mundane to Me were still quite new and advanced for him, and I didn't realise that at the time.
Whoever said that vanilla relationships were easy...?
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Posted on 1st August 2019